Breast is not always best.

Looking back on this photo brought back so many memories of those first few months as a mother, the fear, the love and the excruciating pain I went through every single feed.

I was told breastfeeding was going to be the most natural thing a mother could do for her baby.

It did not come naturally to me.

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I was just 7 years old when he took my power Away.

Trigger warning sexual abuse mentioned*

The first time a man took my power away I was just 7 years old, he was someone I loved and trusted and looked up to.

But he is just a boy.

He has his whole life ahead of him.

He deserves another chance at life.

He went on to abuse many other children including his own and suspected of killing his newborn baby, they gave him that chance!

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Mum, where is the baby?

Mum….where’s the baby?

When miss Amarlie was born I was prepared to have PND, I was prepared to suffer like I had done with the 3 older girls and I was terrified but I was determined to enjoy this Bub and mental health plans were put into place.

I was older and more experienced and I knew that I couldn’t wait until she was born before getting professional help so I contacted CAHMS and started seeing them as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

Pregnancy was just one big shituation!

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We cancelled Easter this year and we’re not sorry at all!

We done a thing, We cancelled Easter Day this year….

Ok Janet go and get yourself a cuppa, call Chad to bring you home some of those nice bikkies you love to dunk in your tea and get your judgy gasps prepared for what you’re about to read…

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My daughter lost her daddy to suicide, she doesn’t understand yet.

She lost her daddy to suicide a year ago now and it hasn’t gotten easier and it isn’t getting better.

She doesn’t understand yet.

She has been having a lot of moments lately, she has been crying over the smallest of things, slamming doors and yelling at me and her sisters telling us she hates us.

She doesn’t understand yet.

She asks me to look at his photos I have kept on my phone most mornings and some days it makes her happy and I watch as her eyes light up and a huge smile creeps across her face and I know that day will be a good day.

Other days she snuggles into me and tells me she doesn’t remember her daddy and asks me to tell her stories to each one of the pictures, tears roll down her cheeks and she sobs and sobs hard. I know these days will not be so good.

She doesn’t understand yet.

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