Mum, where is the baby?

Mum….where’s the baby?

When miss Amarlie was born I was prepared to have PND, I was prepared to suffer like I had done with the 3 older girls and I was terrified but I was determined to enjoy this Bub and mental health plans were put into place.

I was older and more experienced and I knew that I couldn’t wait until she was born before getting professional help so I contacted CAHMS and started seeing them as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

Pregnancy was just one big shituation!

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We cancelled Easter this year and we’re not sorry at all!

We done a thing, We cancelled Easter Day this year….

Ok Janet go and get yourself a cuppa, call Chad to bring you home some of those nice bikkies you love to dunk in your tea and get your judgy gasps prepared for what you’re about to read…

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My daughter lost her daddy to suicide, she doesn’t understand yet.

She lost her daddy to suicide a year ago now and it hasn’t gotten easier and it isn’t getting better.

She doesn’t understand yet.

She has been having a lot of moments lately, she has been crying over the smallest of things, slamming doors and yelling at me and her sisters telling us she hates us.

She doesn’t understand yet.

She asks me to look at his photos I have kept on my phone most mornings and some days it makes her happy and I watch as her eyes light up and a huge smile creeps across her face and I know that day will be a good day.

Other days she snuggles into me and tells me she doesn’t remember her daddy and asks me to tell her stories to each one of the pictures, tears roll down her cheeks and she sobs and sobs hard. I know these days will not be so good.

She doesn’t understand yet.

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To the beautiful and exhausted mum who fell asleep in her car at school pick up yesterday.

I was parked on the other side of the road as we both waited in our cars for our high schoolers to finish, you caught my eye with your cute AF mum bun that you totally pulled off as I sat there looking like something that crawled straight out of The blob’ scaring the locals.

I could see a car seat in the back of your car and as I was busy answering seventy-hundred questions from my own toddler about why the cats poop is sometimes green and if Jesus goes to big school, I looked back over to your car and instantly recognised that fight to stay awake. Your eyes kept closing and you started to lean further and further to one side until finally you drifted off into the ever elusive slumber land looking like you were suspended in mid air.

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To all the mothers doing the best that you can, you are worthy.

To the mums who broke down today after being up all night with a sick child, you are doing an amazing job mumma.

To the mum who felt inadequate today, you are enough.

To the working mum who feels like your kids are missing out on having you around enough, You are allowed to love your career guilt free and you are modelling a strong work ethic they will thank you for it.

To the SAHM who feels guilty for wanting a break from your children, you can not pour from an empty cup so go and watch that new Jason Mamoa movie, get that pedicure, go out with the girls and have that wine because you truly deserve it.

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