I won’t win any friends here but I need to get this off my chest, I used to be THAT woman, you know the one that was jealous of other women’s success, I was A mean girl!
Ewwww it feels like I’m spitting poison just saying that out loud and leaves a filthy taste in my mouth!
Don’t get me wrong, I was no Regina George out to destroy everyone all with a passive aggressive smile plastered across my face and when other women achieved greatness I was genuinely happy for them cheering them on from the side lines, Pom Poms at the ready but I still felt that pang of jealousy take aim and throat punch me making near impossible for me to breathe.
I couldn’t help think to myself ‘I want that’, ‘why didn’t I think of that’ or ‘how can she be better than me everything?’
One woman in particular was the object of my envy, I admire her from afar now and love watching her kick Ass at everything she does (and she is wildly successful now, a true boss babe!) But MY issue was everything she done, she done so much better than I could and we had all the same talents and interest.
I write, she writes much better..
I run, she runs faster..
I TRY to be fit and healthy, she IS fit and healthy..
I sing but you can bet your ass that she sings better….
I am broke ass and single, she is married and loaded. (Rightfully so she works damn hard!)
My house resembles a hurricane disaster site most days, her home is Pinterest worthy even when you just drop in and don’t call ahead……I didn’t know those people actually existed besides my mother, if you knock on my door without calling 3 days prior I’m pretending someone broke in and robbed us to explain the mess!
The list goes on and on and that nasty feeling of comparing myself to her constantly had ashamedly come out in spiteful words in front of my kids and as she posted on Facebook about her amazing husband and kids treating her to an overseas holiday just because, I found myself channeling my inner Regina and angrily muttered ‘BOO You whore’ ….Or something to that effect to which my girls sitting close by exclaimed ‘oh are you talking about …?
My kids knew who I was talking about just from how I spoke about her, who even am I?!!
MAJOR DAMAGE CONTROL was needed to be put in place that very second!
It hit me smack in the face and I realised what I was unintentionally yet ignorantly teaching my daughters. I had just taught them, in as little as two sentences, how to grow up and expect everything for nothing. I’ve shown them how to tear other women down to make themselves feel better.
This bullshit is far from ok, it’s actually everything I stand against and discourage other women from engaging in this toxic behaviour on a daily basis but somehow I had dropped the ball in spectacular fashion and I was not going to allow the green eyed monster to live in my home or my head for another damn second.
My daughter piped up and asked me
I knew In that moment that I needed to change my own mind set and it was my responsibility to change theirs.
I took a second to gather my thoughts and answered carefully, I said ‘girls, telling someone else that you dislike them will only leave them feeling bad about themselves and will never change YOUR situation. You are the only person who can do that by working hard, learning to love yourself and always working on improving yourself.
Self love and acceptance is not achieved by removing people who are successful from Your life because every person sees success in a different way, instead it is learning from them, finding inspiration from them and working with not against them.
If we distance ourselves from everyone who performs better than us at something we will have no one left, no one to aspire to, no one to inspire us because someone will ALWAYS be there to keep our humility in check and remind us that we are not the best at everything we do nor is that possible.
If you don’t learn to embrace you and understand and truly believe in your own self worth and capabilities then in your own mind someone will always be prettier, faster, a better singer, make more money or run faster. No matter what it is there will ALWAYS be someone you compare yourself to.
Learn to only compete with the person you were yesterday, stop all negative self talk, open yourself up to advice offered to you by anyone who is willing to pass on their wisdom and knowledge and really listen to them. Trust in what you have to offer the universe.
Don’t ever be afraid to admit you are wrong, admitting you are wrong just like Mummy is right now is one of the strongest and admirable things you can do, people are so obsessed with having their opinion heard and so determined to prove that they’re right that they start to lack empathy and compassion. That is not how we live and that is not how I will raise you!’
Since then The girls and I have made it our mission to learn self love and acceptance of ourselves and others and I can definitely say our lives have changed for the better…
I have done things I was ‘gonna’ do for years but held myself back with negative talk, I started this blog, I started vocal lessons and
I run a Support group of over 7300 women being inspired and empowered by each other and I am proud of the forward steps I have taken.
My girls are truly loving, empathetic, appreciative and eager to help and offer words of encouragement to friends and family and strangers alike.
They still fight with each other and we are nowhere near achieving ‘Brady bunch’ status not by a long fucking shot, but we are a close lot. Tigah Rose is in high school and the tweens are fast approaching those teen years where we hear all the high school horror stories about bullying and violence and it’s actually terrifying.
I do know that I am instilling good morals now, guiding them and teaching them what is acceptable by modelling the behaviours I want them to adopt. I trust that even though they may and probably will get off track at some time in their life that they will be armed with the skills to find their way back and hopefully they wont ever want to join the ‘mean girls’ clique and follow the Regina George of the group.
Burn the burn books!