I have a love/hate relationship with Kmart.
I love nearly everything about Kmart, love how cheap shit is and I’m poor as fuck so it helps me give the illusion of having at least a little bit of money BUT I hate having to build my own furniture…..and the infamous kids kitchen that was all the craze…….
Can you see these kids laughing and smiling and happily playing in their brand new Kmart kitchen on the box?
Me too, but let me tell you right now, the parent who made that for them is NOT FUCKING LAUGHING!!!
I took on the challenge a little while ago…
The parent who made that kids kitchen opened up the box to 726 screws and 263 ‘numbered and lettered pieces’ and instantly felt a sense of dread completely consume them!
What kind of fuckery is this?!!
So many Tiny…tiny screws and this mumma has nails!
So many swear words later, a few threats made against everyone and anyone under my breath including the kids & Santa Claus since he is the fat old bastard that got it (and yes that was many, many……many moons ago….don’t you judge me!!!)
A couple of tears and tantrums and a shitload more curse words screamed at the toy from hell I am so close to finishing this fucking kitchen and feeling rather chuffed at my amazing building abilities…… until I realise the splashback board is upside Fucking down!
The kitchen appears to be smugly smiling at me and at this point I’m reaching for the hammer to fuck shit up, I feel like using those tiny nails and scratching my eyeballs out!
I contemplate leaving it upside down but even the thought is sending my anxiety into over drive!
So I take this kitchen apart enough to fix the splash board so the utensils do not look like they miraculously defying gravity, put it back together with somewhat ease this time and the taste of pending victory is so close and so sweet…
And then this kid right here, this gorgeous little Miss who had just witnessed the VERY long and very real struggle ….she wants to play with the god damn box!!!!!
Fuck this I’m out, Where’s my $1 Kmart wine glass?
Mummy needs a drink!!!