It’s been about a month since I started blogging and I am so far from being at the top of the ladder, fuck I’m barely standing on the bottom rung looking up to all those I admire and that inspire me but I am really feeling a positive flow.
I have encountered this amazing community of bloggers, male and female, all ages, races and religions, covering every topic from top fishing spots in the world to the top funny nicknames for a Vagina, from the healthiest kids snacks to where to go for a heart attack on a plate!!!
One thing I’ve noticed is that everyone is willing to help each other out, there are definitely a few dickheads out there trying to gain everything and give nothing but they’re easily spotted and overall everyone is kick ass and it got me thinking, so many times over the years I have witnessed or been party to women tearing each other down out of jealousy.
So many times I said mean things to another woman, whispered behind their backs, been a straight up cunt just because I was so jealous of them.
I would enviously watch women raise their amazing, intelligent, talented 2.5 kids in their gorgeous, huge air conditioned homes that they owned, Driving their cherubs to school in cars that are worth more than I make in a decade whilst every single car trip for me is LITERALLY a fun game of ‘is today the day we all fucking die on the way to school kids?!
When I started building my online Group for mums I began talking to more and more women and each of these strong and amazing g mums had one thing in common.
No matter how big their house, how great their kids, how new and shiny their cars are, no matter if they were sporting the newest Hermes handbag and Louis Vuitton heels or how Pinterest perfect their decor was, they all were fighting their own battles and some of them had been fighting those battles in silence and all alone.
So many of them had been silently suffering. Suffering with body issues, suffering with mental health issues, suffering with low self esteem and self loathing.
Many were unhappy within themselves, some had tried many different antidepressants, others left it untreated. Some self harming, some having suicidal thoughts, some expressing to me that they didn’t deserve to be sad or unhappy because they had such a great life on Paper and that’s what I saw and what I was envious of so many times but it was a front for Facebook and Instagram.
It was all smiles for the camera and happy posts for family and friends to read but they came from broken and sometimes desperate mums. Lost and not knowing where the fuck to turn or who to confide in and believing that they CHOSE to have kids, the CHOSE their paths so they somehow deserved to be in pain and weren’t worthy of help, love, guidance and support and I added to that pain when I assumed that they had it all when in fact they felt they were dying inside!
I NEVER want to be that woman again, I refuse to be the asshole that pushes someone over the edge out of spite and jealousy instead I will endeavour to only build them up and be an ear when they want to talk or if they need to have a crazy night out and get messed up then I’ll buy the wine and order shitty food. I want to be the woman who builds other women up, who never judges another mother for her mumming choices no matter how different it is to how I Mummy.
I will be the Woman who not only makes my way up but gives every other queen a step up first, fuck they can stand on my shoulders to get there if they need to and we can all have a vino or 6 and celebrate the fact that there is plenty of fucking room up there for all of us!