I’ve been single for a few years now and for some reason that I don’t quite grasp other people have a much harder time accepting this than I ever have, it’s as if they believe they can catch single. I purposely cough on them in hopes that they believe they’ve caught the divorce plague! The first few months everyone was fully supportive, I was reminded to ‘take time to figure yourself out first’ which is exactly what I needed to do……and I did and it was fucking glorious! Well meaning family and friends started telling me that I was still young and could still find someone if I just got out there. Out Where? And why the fuck is he hiding in the first place and WHY TF do I need to find HIM?! When did dating become an adult version of extreme hide and seek? Unwanted advice and just shitty comments from people in relationships about what I should do now and how to do it with kids in the mix came flying at me thick and fast, Even when I said I wasn’t ready and couldn’t see myself being for a very, VERY long time the shitty comments were still freely supplied. Maybe they thought I must be lying and just protested my love for single life out of fear of rejection or something but the need to be a DICK was strong in these ones and their comments were fucking doozies and these 5 were the worst of the worst. Not only a little offensive but just a bit cunty! 1. You can still find someone even with 4 kids. Awww Thank yo…….Wait, what? So would 2 kids better my chances because if that is gonna help me ‘snatch up a good catch’ I know which two I’ll get rid of! Ohhhh you mean because I’ve carried 4 children that I’m damaged goods but luckily some men are happy to lower their standards and maybe if I’m a real good girl they’ll love me (and my huge vagina) just the way I am? Good to know! 2. Maybe it’s time you lower your standards just a little’ I know right! Those pesky high standards that I have, that’s what’s stopping me from finding a DECENT man. I should definitely lower them! 3. Your kids DESRVE a positive male role model. Mmmmhmmm yes because when I was a little girl I used to dream of being a single mum with absolutely no support from a partner, I imagined how grand life would be if my children had only one parent and when my babies father passed well, all my hopes and dreams had finally come true….. Get the fuck out Chad! 4. I completely understand, my husband works long hours. Nope, just nope. Being a single mum who has absolutely no emotional, physical or financial support whatsoever (especially as my daughters father died) is absolutely nothing like having a partner who works away or works long hours. Yes that is hard I know I’ve done that too and quite honestly I find being a sole parent easier than partnered at times but they are different parenting situations. You can not compare Wine with spirits, they’ll both get you smashed but they are different in every other way. Not worse, not better, you’ll still get a mad fucking hangover from them both but just different. Don’t make this a competition or about you… 5. And this is my FAVE, Don’t tell them you have kids until after a few dates! How does one go about negating the fact that they have 4 children for not 1, not 2, but multiple dates. I don’t know about you but I am boring as fuck! I literally have NOTHING else to talk to you about besides the weather, the amount of time and extensive prepping it took me to get ready for the date and the Copious amount of alcohol I consumed to get the courage to actually leave my house, the fact that I REALLY like the show The good place (it’s hilarious and you should definitely Netflix binge the shit out of that!) and my kids……that is the entirety of my conversation itinerary for the night. So help me out here Janice but how dafaq am I going to ‘forget’ to mention the 4 smallish humans that sucked the life out of my once perky tits and are now just sucking the life out of me in general, huh…HUH??? I love those little parasites by the way, I am not ashamed of them or of being a single mum and will NOT EVER pretend like my babies don’t exist to make someone else happy! OH and also I FUCKING love being single, so there’s that…..