Today I read a post about a young mans beautiful reaction to a girl getting her first period on a bus and it reminded me of when I got mine…… and the monumental clusterfuck it was!
When I was younger my mum worked a lot and as a young single Mum working full time I spent a lot of time with another family the Sweeney’s.
When I was 12 way back when you could still sit in the back of a station wagon and share seat belts between three of us kids without being arrested and branded the worst parents to ever live I went on holidays with Chris (the mum of the fambob) and the 4 kids to a caravan park we visited each year.
I was a bit of late bleeder and still hadn’t got my period and my tits hadn’t come in yet (they still haven’t!) and I was at the stage where I was chanting ‘I must, I must, I must increase my bust’ into the mirror daily and hoping to get my period so I could be ‘mature and womanly’ after reading ‘Are you there god? It’s me, Margaret’
Remember that book we were all made to read at primary school, the book that taught many of us about boobs, boys, sex and periods before Harold the giraffe got a chance to educate us out the back in the van…. never realised just how creepy that sounded until right fucking now!
We got to the caravan park and I was using the public toilets while my brother and sister (the Sweeney’s I call them my siblings) waited for me and it happened, it finally happened I got my period.
I instantly felt like a woman!
Nah that’s a bunch of bullshit, I panicked hard like a 12 year old does when she is bleeding from the vadge for the first time in a public toilet without her mum and no idea WTF to do.
I yell out to my sister Melisa that I needed help because I got my P’s. After a few times of saying it my sister caught on and we ran back to the caravan with half a roll of toilet paper shoved in my undies to tell Chris what had just occurred except I was a little embarrassed and didn’t know exactly what to do or say..
Evidently my little brother Aaron had heard what I was screaming out in the toilets and blurted out ‘Christie got her P’s Mum!!!
Chris just laughed and said I was too young to drive but he was a persistent little prick and repeated ‘No mum she got her P’s, you know the P things that girls get, she got those in the toilet!!!
So now Chris knew and for reasons I’ve never been quite too sure of she sent myself and my younger sister to go to the shop and buy pads on our own, so off we went all adult like to the only shop in town and purchased the only pads I imagined would be able to soak up the mass blood loss I was imagining that was happening in my pants.
Maxi pads for heavy flow was the only suitable option for this dire situation OBVIOUSLY!
Back at the caravan I put my first pad on and was miserable I couldn’t go swimming but to my delight Chris informed me I definitely could go swimming but just change afterwards, SWEET AF!!
So off we ran to the local pool packed to the brim with young teenage girls and more importantly, teenage boys, I decided to leave my board shorts on for extra protection just in case And off I ran and bombed into the pool.
Swam around giggling like a school girl to get attention as the new woman I was and Suddenly I feel something between my legs and it’s getting bigger fast, again instant panic sets in, ‘FUCK ME my vagina is swelling up no one told me this would happen, maybe my moot-chacha is actually falling off what the FUUUUUCK?!!
I jump up out of the pool only to have a lot of teens laughing hysterically and I am just a mess thinking that my insides were crawling their way out of my fanwah like a scene straight out of a horror movie!
I finally brave looking down and there it was, hanging out the side of my board shorts white and red all and the size of a football, my maxi pad that has absorbed so much water that it had split and now the absorbent inside materials were leaving a trail of evidence of my newly acquired womanhood!
When we got back to the caravan after legging it as fast as I could out of there I asked Chris why she didn’t tell me it would expand and after she finally was able to stop laughing long enough she explained that she had meant take it off before swimming and then get changed afterwards to put a new pad on…..
What a shit bouquet of a day that was!
Do you have a horror story? Comment below if you dare!