The day I became a woman wasn’t what I expected.

Today I read a post about a young mans beautiful reaction to a girl getting her first period on a bus and it reminded me of when I got mine…… and the monumental clusterfuck it was!

When I was younger my mum worked a lot and as a young single Mum working full time I spent a lot of time with another family the Sweeney’s.

When I was 12 way back when you could still sit in the back of a station wagon and share seat belts between three of us kids without being arrested and branded the worst parents to ever live I went on holidays with Chris (the mum of the fambob) and the 4 kids to a caravan park we visited each year.

I was a bit of late bleeder and still hadn’t got my period and my tits hadn’t come in yet (they still haven’t!) and I was at the stage where I was chanting ‘I must, I must, I must increase my bust’ into the mirror daily and hoping to get my period so I could be ‘mature and womanly’ after reading ‘Are you there god? It’s me, Margaret’

Remember that book we were all made to read at primary school, the book that taught many of us about boobs, boys, sex and periods before Harold the giraffe got a chance to educate us out the back in the van…. never realised just how creepy that sounded until right fucking now!

Harold the giraffe picture on a truck, safer, smarter

We got to the caravan park and I was using the public toilets while my brother and sister (the Sweeney’s I call them my siblings) waited for me and it happened, it finally happened I got my period.

I instantly felt like a woman!

Nah that’s a bunch of bullshit, I panicked hard like a 12 year old does when she is bleeding from the vadge for the first time in a public toilet without her mum and no idea WTF to do.

I yell out to my sister Melisa that I needed help because I got my P’s. After a few times of saying it my sister caught on and we ran back to the caravan with half a roll of toilet paper shoved in my undies to tell Chris what had just occurred except I was a little embarrassed and didn’t know exactly what to do or say..

Evidently my little brother Aaron had heard what I was screaming out in the toilets and blurted out ‘Christie got her P’s Mum!!!

Chris just laughed and said I was too young to drive but he was a persistent little prick and repeated ‘No mum she got her P’s, you know the P things that girls get, she got those in the toilet!!!

So now Chris knew and for reasons I’ve never been quite too sure of she sent myself and my younger sister to go to the shop and buy pads on our own, so off we went all adult like to the only shop in town and purchased the only pads I imagined would be able to soak up the mass blood loss I was imagining that was happening in my pants.

Maxi pads for heavy flow was the only suitable option for this dire situation OBVIOUSLY!

Back at the caravan I put my first pad on and was miserable I couldn’t go swimming but to my delight Chris informed me I definitely could go swimming but just change afterwards, SWEET AF!!

So off we ran to the local pool packed to the brim with young teenage girls and more importantly, teenage boys, I decided to leave my board shorts on for extra protection just in case And off I ran and bombed into the pool.

Swam around giggling like a school girl to get attention as the new woman I was and Suddenly I feel something between my legs and it’s getting bigger fast, again instant panic sets in, ‘FUCK ME my vagina is swelling up no one told me this would happen, maybe my moot-chacha is actually falling off what the FUUUUUCK?!!

I jump up out of the pool only to have a lot of teens laughing hysterically and I am just a mess thinking that my insides were crawling their way out of my fanwah like a scene straight out of a horror movie!

Woman screaming and looking scared in a horror movie scene

I finally brave looking down and there it was, hanging out the side of my board shorts white and red all and the size of a football, my maxi pad that has absorbed so much water that it had split and now the absorbent inside materials were leaving a trail of evidence of my newly acquired womanhood!

When we got back to the caravan after legging it as fast as I could out of there I asked Chris why she didn’t tell me it would expand and after she finally was able to stop laughing long enough she explained that she had meant take it off before swimming and then get changed afterwards to put a new pad on…..

What a shit bouquet of a day that was!

Do you have a horror story? Comment below if you dare!

14 Comments on “The day I became a woman wasn’t what I expected.

  1. Great post — but I hate to inform you – the post that inspired you is a hoax — (about the nice boy on the school bus) – that said – I am trying to make it a futuristic reality by raising my son to be THAT boy . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • Omg really?! How bloody disappointing 😦

      I love that babe, Hoax or not that would be how I would want to raise my boys to be as well….I have all girls though so more stories like this more than likely haha

      Like

  2. Oh gosh, I can imagine how freaked out you must have felt when you didn’t know what was going on!! Well written post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s awful. I can’t say I have a horror story though. Although, I was always really self-conscious as a preteen about a leak. I was self-conscious about everything really.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Suddenly, my swimming-with-a-period story isn’t so bad after all.

    I was an early bleeder (I think, but it may just be sadness in hindsight). My mom tried to tell me the “facts of life,” but I didn’t want to hear it because a) it was gross and b) I was refusing to have it.

    Refuse, just like that. As if by sheer will I could stop my body from doing this gross, traumatic thing.

    Because I didn’t get past “When a girl becomes a woman…” part, when I *did* start bleeding, I thought I was dying. To death. From all the blood. As it so happens, I’ve always had horribly painful periods, so I thought I was dying *every* month for a while.

    As far as the bleeding-while-swimming, one summer, only after about a year of periods, I went to church camp. The women counselors told me that it would be okay to swim without a pad (there was no way in HELL I was going to stick a cotton stick up my hoo-hah) because WOMEN DIDN’T BLEED IN WATER.

    That was so not true, and everyone that swam that day learned it as well.

    As an adult–omigod I bled in water. How unhygienic and gross. That’s enough to keep me out of public pools for life now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh how I wish we could stop them with just sheer will!!!

      I got told we didn’t bleed in water as well but also found out the hard way that’s not true especially when you have to get out of the water!

      I feel for you Lovely it can be such a traumatic experience…

      Like

  5. Totally in stitches. I think it’s because I remember my first period like it was yesterday the exciting and stress all rolled into one was to much for me to comprehend. Love this post! So true and relatable 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. OMG!!!! That is horrific,girl! Mine was not nearly as dramatic. I didn’t panic because my mom and I had had several conversations about it. The one embarrassing thing that did happen was my adopted mom called my biological mom as soon as I told her I got it,so then I had to go over the whole thing with her on the phone. What my mom failed to tell me what that she was on another call with my uncle and now we were on 3 way. My uncle starts dropping “fuck” all over the place because he’s heard the gory details of me becoming a woman. I screech at the top of my lungs that I hate my mom and hang up the phone. We made up the next day but my uncle and I could never quite look each other in the eye again.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: