Gaslighting – my best friends Abusive partner uses suicide as a control tactic.

Trigger warning – abuse mentioned*

‘Remember me when I’m gone’

This is the message she got when she went out with her best friend with a photo of him holding a knife to his wrist.

Threatening suicide became his favourite control tactic and it worked.

He searched over 11 local clubs and bars that night to find her, searching for her knowing she was with her best friend but he didn’t care instead he blew up her phone with calls and messages threatening suicide and threatening to fuck up anyone she was with.

She was completely faithful to him even through the constant abuse but that didn’t stop him from accusing her of cheating every day when she walked in the door.

Cheating on him with her boss, her customers, her friends husband, people who looked at her or who she was polite to, cheating on him with her own fucking cousin!

He expected to be able to check her phone every day the minute she walked in her front door.

Black and white photo of a man holding his hand out

He didn’t live with her but he made her house his own and he was helpful, he done a lot for her without her ever asking but he made sure she knew it and he demanded she be eternally grateful for the cut grass or clean dishes.

He lied about his job, his home, his ex wife and their child and custody battle. He lied about where he was and what he was doing but if she ever questioned him then he would accuse her of over reacting and gaslight her.

He HATED that she stood up for herself, he couldn’t stand being challenged and she challenged him constantly.

She asked him how could he say he loved her but treat her this way?

How could he abuse another human like this and than deflect the blame onto her?

How long did he believe she would put up with this shit?

She knew she had to leave but it is never that easy, she would break up with him, he would cry and beg her to forgive him.

It’s just because he loves her so much and the thought of being without her was enough to kill him, he’d promise to see someone, to get help for her but just give him one last chance so she would feel guilty and forgive him.

For a few days he would be good to her, great actually and she would feel maybe that this was it and this is when he finally seen that he was being a manipulative, abusive cunt but was willing to make a change.

Then the cycle would begin again, small things like asking who’s on the phone, questioning her whereabouts and then progressing to bigger things like driving past her or her best friends home to see where she was.

It wasn’t until he held her in the car against her will and threatened her whilst she screamed and begged to let her out That she knew how serious this was getting…

The final straw was His jealousy, his insane jealousy of everyone including her teenage son that he suggested that their bond was unnatural and that she needed to watch out or he may try and sneak his way into her bed at nights, HER FUCKING SON!!

She asked him to leave and she broke up with him once and for all, they had only been together for 4 months….

He is now driving past her and her best friends home multiple times a day, she doesn’t feel safe, she isn’t fucking safe. He is messaging her, calling her repeatedly, guilting her into coming back, threatening to kill any man that goes near her because if he can’t have her no one can as though she is a piece of furniture that he owns..

Her family are worried, her friends are worried, I am fucking worried because she is my friend.

She could be our sister, our Aunty, out daughter, our neighbour.

This shit has to fucking stop!

We shouldn’t have to live in fear we have the right to feel safe in our own but 1 in 4 women are emotionally abused by a partner from the age of 15, On average 1 woman a week is murdered by a current or former partner.

We have a voice and together we can be loud, men and women need to Stand together and we need to speak up and speak out.

This is MY friends story But this does happen to men More often perpetrated by another male but women are not immune to being abusive and society’s attitude towards male victims needs to be challenged and changed ASAP, no more ‘men shouldn’t cry’ or ‘just be a man’ that’s unacceptable!

We need to make it known that we as a people will no longer accept abuse from anyone no matter their gender or relationship and we will definitely no longer allow this!!

ALL VIOLENCE AND ABUSE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!

(If you or someone you know needs help please call 1800RESPECT and my inbox is always open)

7 Comments on “Gaslighting – my best friends Abusive partner uses suicide as a control tactic.

  1. Thank GOODNESS she got out NOW!!! My sister stayed for years and even though she is still alive, she suffered from domestic abuse, gaslighting and more. She is now an alcoholic and we don’t have a relationship. (Which I still have trouble wrapping my head around.) I hope her situation is getting better. I can’t imagine what this type of relationship would have done for her, 22 years later. Give your friend a hug from me!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am and have been trying to raise awareness on gaslighting for so long; I published what I believe is the first memoir on Narcissistic Abuse back in 2015, although it has been revised, and it has not been easy, since my story is far from over. It is draining, and basically had to redo my whole blog again since my “narcissistic psychopath,” is prone to cyber stalking and sabotaging anything that threaten to reveals what lies beneath the mask. But, it’s nice to know I am not the only one, and that there are others brave enough to share their story. There need to be more of us! Because yes- gaslighting is scary and many do not realize it is a form of narcissistic abuse. The term narcissistic psychopath is a relatively new one, and if people were more aware of it, so many horrific things could be prevented. I hope your friend is safe. Time heals all wounds, and in most cases- makes us stronger!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would really like to read that hun! I am so sorry you went through this it is such a toxic form of abuse and I find that as there are no bruises than there is less belief and even less concern for the victims.
      My friend is safe and has moved on and is healing, he does try to manipulate his way back but she is such a strong woman and refuses to even allow him to speak to her now. She has heard he has moved on to his next victim though which is scary 😦

      You are amazing to be able to talk about it all ❤️❤️

      Like

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