To the beautiful and exhausted mum who fell asleep in her car at school pick up yesterday.

I was parked on the other side of the road as we both waited in our cars for our high schoolers to finish, you caught my eye with your cute AF mum bun that you totally pulled off as I sat there looking like something that crawled straight out of The blob’ scaring the locals.

I could see a car seat in the back of your car and as I was busy answering seventy-hundred questions from my own toddler about why the cats poop is sometimes green and if Jesus goes to big school, I looked back over to your car and instantly recognised that fight to stay awake. Your eyes kept closing and you started to lean further and further to one side until finally you drifted off into the ever elusive slumber land looking like you were suspended in mid air.

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To all the mothers doing the best that you can, you are worthy.

To the mums who broke down today after being up all night with a sick child, you are doing an amazing job mumma.

To the mum who felt inadequate today, you are enough.

To the working mum who feels like your kids are missing out on having you around enough, You are allowed to love your career guilt free and you are modelling a strong work ethic they will thank you for it.

To the SAHM who feels guilty for wanting a break from your children, you can not pour from an empty cup so go and watch that new Jason Mamoa movie, get that pedicure, go out with the girls and have that wine because you truly deserve it.

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An open letter to my soul mate, happy heavenly birthday Adam Fabulous…

Trigger warning, suicide mentioned*

I met you at 18, you were dating my roommate and I asked you why you were dating a girl?!

You responded that you liked her and I laughed and told you I was pretty sure you didn’t like ANY girls.

You were FABULOUS!

A week later you called me and told me you thought you may be gay….

From that day forward we never left each other’s sides or hearts….or homes! You’d walk in unannounced at whatever time day or night and give me one of your bones crushing hugs, crawl

Into bed and we’d talk for hours until we passed out..

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School holidays are over and the anxiety is high!

I have had such a headache all day and literally just threw up so violently it hurt.

I want to blame the many, many choc chip cookies I consumed but to act like I don’t binge cookies on a regular basis and that could really be the cause would just be outrageous.

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It’s my vagina and I can scratch if I want to!

I had a conversation today and whilst I was standing there chatting away about a fence my mate quite indiscreetly adjusted himself a few times to get his balls to sit nicely in order to be comfortable…

We kept chatting and once again he adjusted himself throwing in an extra leg lift this time to ensure those bad boys were sitting pretty…My impulse reaction was to stare that mofo dead in the balls and lift my gaze slowly to meet his eyes so he knew I had had enough and said ‘slow down with the nutsack attack cobber and leave your cockadoodle donger alone for 10 minutes old mate!

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