Trigger warning – rape mentioned*
This is the hardest blog I ever have or will ever need to write but I can no longer remain silent.
The first time I was sexually abused was by a family member and someone I loved and admired, I was between 5-7 years old.
I don’t remember the exact age I was.
I do not remember what clothes I was wearing.
I do not remember what day, month or even year it was.
I do not remember how many times it happened.
It’s been about a month since I started blogging and I am so far from being at the top of the ladder, fuck I’m barely standing on the bottom rung looking up to all those I admire and that inspire me but I am really feeling a positive flow.
I have encountered this amazing community of bloggers, male and female, all ages, races and religions, covering every topic from top fishing spots in the world to the top funny nicknames for a Vagina, from the healthiest kids snacks to where to go for a heart attack on a plate!!!
One thing I’ve noticed is that everyone is willing to help each other out, there are definitely a few dickheads out there trying to gain everything and give nothing but they’re easily spotted and overall everyone is kick ass and it got me thinking, so many times over the years I have witnessed or been party to women tearing each other down out of jealousy.
I don’t know about you but during winter I like to grow a nice Winter coat, I’m single, I’m not shagging anyone and I feel the cold sleeping alone all by my old lonesome self!
Well I actually have a toddler who sleeps with me and never leaves my side and I’m way too busy to be lonely but I digress.
I LOVE and choose to be single as shocking as that revelation is to grasp, a mid 30’s something choosing to be single but Its true. I fucking love it and one of the reasons is because I get to do whatever the fuck I like whenever the fuck I like (yes I know you can do that in some relationships too!)
One of those things I can do is go all natural without needing to concern myself about how my partner feels about chowing down on furburgers.
For those of you who don’t know me and my story let me catch you up a little.
I’m Christielee, A single mother of 4 girls from 4 – 14 (all born on 4’s eerily enough) and I am not always ok.
I am a child sex abuse survivor.
I am an attempted rape survivor.
I am a DV survivor.
I have bipolar disorder.
I have struggled with addictions from a very young age.
I have attempted suicide and thought about it more times than I can remember.
And I am a suicide loss survivor…