Tag: #ifonly
Why I didn’t talk about my abuse until now.
Posted on September 27, 2018 by Christielee
Trigger warning – rape mentioned* This is the hardest blog I ever have or will ever need to write but I can no longer remain silent. The first time I was sexually abused was by a family member and someone I loved and admired,…
Trigger warning sexual abuse mentioned*
The first time a man took my power away I was 7 years old, he was someone I loved and trusted and looked up to.
But he is just a boy.
He has his whole life ahead of him.
He deserves another chance at life.
He went on to abuse many other children including his own and suspected of killing his newborn baby, they gave him that chance.
He led the way for other men to viciously and violently take from me and for me to continuously allow them too because I had absolutely no self worth, my mind was mine to torment and my body was a mans, any mans, all mens... The sexual abuse and emotional torment left me voiceless in an unexpected way, I became a target for men to abuse me as though predators could sense I had fallen victim to one man so now I was flagged as a willing victim. Even as an adult I attracted narcissistic men with sexually violent behaviours and gave them the excuse that I was being 'too sensitive' and just overreacting once again.
I was not.
After being sexually abused as a child often a child will become withdrawn and timid but I actually became louder, outspoken and abrupt, unafraid to speak my mind but I really had nothing to say or more so, I was saying the wrong things to the wrong people, when it came to men I still stayed silent
I still had no voice
I still had no power
I still had no control
I was a lost little girl being led by wolves into darkness.
All aspects of my life were affected by the trauma of childhood abuse, I continued to be a victim to grown men from a very young age and I struggled to break the cycle.
Relationships that were good I sabotaged and those that were bad I welcomed because that's all I deserved in my mind.
I felt worthless but I was
desperate to be loved,
Desperate to be heard.
When I didn't have those things I needed I would make myself seen, how my body looked was the one thing I could govern and I was determined to be thin and overtly sexual, I believed that that was what sexiness was and I had been conditioned to believe this by both men and women alike. (More in comments or Read more on the blog, link in bio)
#gifted
We have been very fortunate to never have needed to have long stays in hospital for the girls, other than the odd broken arm or stitch here and there any hospital stays have been short and (not so) sweet.
.
Each year Thousands of kids have stays in hospital that are much longer and the beautiful volunteers from the starlight foundation @starlightau bring a little light and a whole lot of happiness to some very sick kids and their families.
.
CareDent @caredentaustralia and the starlight foundation have teamed up to create this brilliant little ‘starlite’ toothbrush and we were sent one to test and Amarlie loves it!
.
It flashes for a minute to let your little ones know how long to keep brushing their tiny little toothy pegs up top and down bottom to keep them strong and healthy, the best part is that @woolworths_au
selected pharmacies, dental practices and online www.caredent.com.au for $4.95 each AND Amarlie actually asks to brush her teeth now so #winning 🌟🌟
.
If your little Star doesnt love brushing of you want them to brush for the right amount of time or maybe you just want to support an amazing cause then grab a Starlite toothbrush! 🌟
.
#caredent #caredentcares #mumthatsabadword
#mumlife really encompasses all that is the motherhood.
.
Mum life is starting to redecorate the room then running out of money....and the will to live.
.
It’s trying to make a bed with 476 cushions, 4 matching throw rugs and a beautiful quilt cover set with a very sad toddler on your hip.
.
It is admitting defeat and using on mismatching sheets and throwing an empty quilt cover ice the 3 tangled blankets and the unfolded washing piling up at the end of said bed.
.
Mum life is cleaning up your room before work to come home and clean up your room after work even when no one was home.....who the fuck was in my house?!
.
Mum life is buying a beautiful corner chair and convincing yourself it will not become a substitute for the walk in wardrobe (or the kitchen fucking table) until it is the newest clothing dumping ground.....I hate that chair and I swear at that shiny silver fucker every👏single👏fucking👏day👏 .
Mum life is ripping your fucking hair out
and silently screaming on the inside but having a wine and holding your shit together like a fucking boss!
.
It’s waking up in the morning having to face your dump of a house because you told yourself last night not to worry about cleaning up, the mess isnt going anywhere and it can wait.....OF COURSE IT IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE IF I DONT CLEAN IT, WTF WAS I THINKING?!!
.
Mum life is calculating in your head how many years left before the kids finally move out and then getting upset thinking about how fast it’s going to go and how you’re going to die all alone and no one will know until one day they break down your door to find the cats have eaten off your cold, hard toes!!!
.
Mum life is loving the holidays and not doing the school run yet counting down the days until they go back to school.
.
Mum life is hard and sticky and messy and STRESSY and so many other fucking adjectives but it is also the absolute greatest time in our lives. .
But mostly, mum life is unbelievably CRAZY BEAUTIFUL 💖
.
Now where’s the wine?
.
Tee from @mumlifethelabel
#mumthatsabadword #mumlifethelabel #unitycircle1
Tigah Rosie’ is totally bringing back the 90’s dude...
.
Big hair, hoop earrings and scrunchies never looked so beautiful 💖💙
.
We just watched Toy Story (very 90’s) and we all cried our eyes out, especially me......probably mostly me!!!.
.
Also and completely coincidentally we found the F.R.I.E.N.D.S fountain after leaving the movies.
.
Swipe across @sour_oatmeal15
@toystory @unitedcinemas .
#mumthatsabadword .
.
.
.
.
.
.
#90sfashion #bringbackthe90s
#toystory4 #toystory
#rippedjeans #teengirl #teenagers #bighair #bighairdontcare #family #lamiafamiglia #scrunchies #unitycircle1 #effyourbeautystandards #beautybeyondsize #respectmycurves #curvygirl #beautiful #beautifulgirls #unitedcinemas #happy #cryinglikeababy #tattooedmum #sisters #sisterlylove
I have been feeling ridiculously guilty these holidays for not being able to do much with the girls.
.
Working is completely fabulous but the girls are definitely used to having me with them 24/7 so of course even though I am that mumma constantly telling other mumma bears to let the guilt go and to do what is best for you and your family, I am not immune to being riddled with the dreaded mummy guilt... .
So when the gorgeous Kodie invited Amarlie and myself to The Fairytale Cottage this morning to meet Cinderella and to have high tea we were really excited to do something completely different to anything we’ve done together before.
.
From looking at the first pic you could be forgiven for thinking that Amarlie Briallen was done for the day and completely over being asked to smile for the camera (I just wanted one good fucking photo...I did not get it!)
But she wasn’t fed up, she was in a food coma!
.
Miss A predictably didn’t leave the table with the food because she is my daughter and that’s how we do so it’s my fault she wouldn’t smile for photos because I should of known to get them BEFORE she was let loose near platters filled with tea and cakes...
.
Lesson learned! .
Last night I took the big girls to see spiderman and today was high tea and then the rest of the day was all of us just hanging out together, Tomorrow we will go and do something as a family and just be together before I go back to work on Monday.
.
It’s taking a little getting used to for all of us now with me being a part time working mumma after so many years but just as everything else we will master this and make it work.....and until then the kids are loving being able to milk the mumma guilt for all they can and there is still a fair bit to squeeze right out of me.
.
#mumthatsabadword
Amarlies dress @kmartaus
Tights @hm
This past weekend The absolutely stunning Kodie The Face Painting Fairy came and made Amarlie Briallens pretty princess party an extra perfect glittery event 💖
.
Miss Kodie was a daycare teacher and looked after Aiva-Leilani when she was still a baby and after leaving she opened the fairytale cottage and started hosting amazing princess parties making little girls and boys dreams come to life. .
This year at Camden show Kodie had a terrible accident and was knocked out and rolled down a 3 story slide, her face was severely damaged and she required surgery which meant taking her husbands super out and paying $16000 dollars on surgery costs!
.
When Kodie offered to do Amarlies birthday for free knowing I was having financial trouble I was honestly so blown away I cried, after everything this warrior mumma of 3 has been through she still wanted to make sure my baby got an amazing party and even sewed together that amazing pink canopy in the photos just got her.
.
To say I am blessed to know such amazing women is a complete understatement,
I am empowered and inspired and in complete awe of the determination and tenacity of the women around me and Kodie is one of those women!
.
So after what she has done for us the least I can do is share the photos from the party and the story of this incredible face painting fairy and let you all see how very talented she is and how very happy she made miss Amarlie 🌈💕💖 .
@thefairytalecottagecobbitty .
Christielee xx
.
#mumthatsabadword .
.
.
.
#facepaintingfairy #thefairytalecottage #fairies #fairiesarereal #princess #princesses #facepainting #magical #magicalfairy #prettypink #pinkparty #5th #birthdaygirl #birthdaypartyideas #facepaint #birthday #partythemes #unitycircle1 #happy #mumblogger #mum #sydneymums #kidspartyideas #fairywings #prettymixedkids #southafrican #mixedrace
Trigger warning sexual abuse mentioned*
The first time a man took my power away I was 7 years old, he was someone I loved and trusted and looked up to.
But he is just a boy.
He has his whole life ahead of him.
He deserves another chance at life.
He went on to abuse many other children including his own and suspected of killing his newborn baby, they gave him that chance.
He led the way for other men to viciously and violently take from me and for me to continuously allow them too because I had absolutely no self worth, my mind was mine to torment and my body was a mans, any mans, all mens... The sexual abuse and emotional torment left me voiceless in an unexpected way, I became a target for men to abuse me as though predators could sense I had fallen victim to one man so now I was flagged as a willing victim. Even as an adult I attracted narcissistic men with sexually violent behaviours and gave them the excuse that I was being 'too sensitive' and just overreacting once again.
I was not.
After being sexually abused as a child often a child will become withdrawn and timid but I actually became louder, outspoken and abrupt, unafraid to speak my mind but I really had nothing to say or more so, I was saying the wrong things to the wrong people, when it came to men I still stayed silent
I still had no voice
I still had no power
I still had no control
I was a lost little girl being led by wolves into darkness.
All aspects of my life were affected by the trauma of childhood abuse, I continued to be a victim to grown men from a very young age and I struggled to break the cycle.
Relationships that were good I sabotaged and those that were bad I welcomed because that's all I deserved in my mind.
I felt worthless but I was
desperate to be loved,
Desperate to be heard.
When I didn't have those things I needed I would make myself seen, how my body looked was the one thing I could govern and I was determined to be thin and overtly sexual, I believed that that was what sexiness was and I had been conditioned to believe this by both men and women alike. (More in comments or Read more on the blog, link in bio)
#gifted
We have been very fortunate to never have needed to have long stays in hospital for the girls, other than the odd broken arm or stitch here and there any hospital stays have been short and (not so) sweet.
.
Each year Thousands of kids have stays in hospital that are much longer and the beautiful volunteers from the starlight foundation @starlightau bring a little light and a whole lot of happiness to some very sick kids and their families.
.
CareDent @caredentaustralia and the starlight foundation have teamed up to create this brilliant little ‘starlite’ toothbrush and we were sent one to test and Amarlie loves it!
.
It flashes for a minute to let your little ones know how long to keep brushing their tiny little toothy pegs up top and down bottom to keep them strong and healthy, the best part is that @woolworths_au
selected pharmacies, dental practices and online www.caredent.com.au for $4.95 each AND Amarlie actually asks to brush her teeth now so #winning 🌟🌟
.
If your little Star doesnt love brushing of you want them to brush for the right amount of time or maybe you just want to support an amazing cause then grab a Starlite toothbrush! 🌟
.
#caredent #caredentcares #mumthatsabadword
#mumlife really encompasses all that is the motherhood.
.
Mum life is starting to redecorate the room then running out of money....and the will to live.
.
It’s trying to make a bed with 476 cushions, 4 matching throw rugs and a beautiful quilt cover set with a very sad toddler on your hip.
.
It is admitting defeat and using on mismatching sheets and throwing an empty quilt cover ice the 3 tangled blankets and the unfolded washing piling up at the end of said bed.
.
Mum life is cleaning up your room before work to come home and clean up your room after work even when no one was home.....who the fuck was in my house?!
.
Mum life is buying a beautiful corner chair and convincing yourself it will not become a substitute for the walk in wardrobe (or the kitchen fucking table) until it is the newest clothing dumping ground.....I hate that chair and I swear at that shiny silver fucker every👏single👏fucking👏day👏 .
Mum life is ripping your fucking hair out
and silently screaming on the inside but having a wine and holding your shit together like a fucking boss!
.
It’s waking up in the morning having to face your dump of a house because you told yourself last night not to worry about cleaning up, the mess isnt going anywhere and it can wait.....OF COURSE IT IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE IF I DONT CLEAN IT, WTF WAS I THINKING?!!
.
Mum life is calculating in your head how many years left before the kids finally move out and then getting upset thinking about how fast it’s going to go and how you’re going to die all alone and no one will know until one day they break down your door to find the cats have eaten off your cold, hard toes!!!
.
Mum life is loving the holidays and not doing the school run yet counting down the days until they go back to school.
.
Mum life is hard and sticky and messy and STRESSY and so many other fucking adjectives but it is also the absolute greatest time in our lives. .
But mostly, mum life is unbelievably CRAZY BEAUTIFUL 💖
.
Now where’s the wine?
.
Tee from @mumlifethelabel
#mumthatsabadword #mumlifethelabel #unitycircle1
Tigah Rosie’ is totally bringing back the 90’s dude...
.
Big hair, hoop earrings and scrunchies never looked so beautiful 💖💙
.
We just watched Toy Story (very 90’s) and we all cried our eyes out, especially me......probably mostly me!!!.
.
Also and completely coincidentally we found the F.R.I.E.N.D.S fountain after leaving the movies.
.
Swipe across @sour_oatmeal15
@toystory @unitedcinemas .
#mumthatsabadword .
.
.
.
.
.
.
#90sfashion #bringbackthe90s
#toystory4 #toystory
#rippedjeans #teengirl #teenagers #bighair #bighairdontcare #family #lamiafamiglia #scrunchies #unitycircle1 #effyourbeautystandards #beautybeyondsize #respectmycurves #curvygirl #beautiful #beautifulgirls #unitedcinemas #happy #cryinglikeababy #tattooedmum #sisters #sisterlylove
I have been feeling ridiculously guilty these holidays for not being able to do much with the girls.
.
Working is completely fabulous but the girls are definitely used to having me with them 24/7 so of course even though I am that mumma constantly telling other mumma bears to let the guilt go and to do what is best for you and your family, I am not immune to being riddled with the dreaded mummy guilt... .
So when the gorgeous Kodie invited Amarlie and myself to The Fairytale Cottage this morning to meet Cinderella and to have high tea we were really excited to do something completely different to anything we’ve done together before.
.
From looking at the first pic you could be forgiven for thinking that Amarlie Briallen was done for the day and completely over being asked to smile for the camera (I just wanted one good fucking photo...I did not get it!)
But she wasn’t fed up, she was in a food coma!
.
Miss A predictably didn’t leave the table with the food because she is my daughter and that’s how we do so it’s my fault she wouldn’t smile for photos because I should of known to get them BEFORE she was let loose near platters filled with tea and cakes...
.
Lesson learned! .
Last night I took the big girls to see spiderman and today was high tea and then the rest of the day was all of us just hanging out together, Tomorrow we will go and do something as a family and just be together before I go back to work on Monday.
.
It’s taking a little getting used to for all of us now with me being a part time working mumma after so many years but just as everything else we will master this and make it work.....and until then the kids are loving being able to milk the mumma guilt for all they can and there is still a fair bit to squeeze right out of me.
.
#mumthatsabadword
Amarlies dress @kmartaus
Tights @hm
This past weekend The absolutely stunning Kodie The Face Painting Fairy came and made Amarlie Briallens pretty princess party an extra perfect glittery event 💖
.
Miss Kodie was a daycare teacher and looked after Aiva-Leilani when she was still a baby and after leaving she opened the fairytale cottage and started hosting amazing princess parties making little girls and boys dreams come to life. .
This year at Camden show Kodie had a terrible accident and was knocked out and rolled down a 3 story slide, her face was severely damaged and she required surgery which meant taking her husbands super out and paying $16000 dollars on surgery costs!
.
When Kodie offered to do Amarlies birthday for free knowing I was having financial trouble I was honestly so blown away I cried, after everything this warrior mumma of 3 has been through she still wanted to make sure my baby got an amazing party and even sewed together that amazing pink canopy in the photos just got her.
.
To say I am blessed to know such amazing women is a complete understatement,
I am empowered and inspired and in complete awe of the determination and tenacity of the women around me and Kodie is one of those women!
.
So after what she has done for us the least I can do is share the photos from the party and the story of this incredible face painting fairy and let you all see how very talented she is and how very happy she made miss Amarlie 🌈💕💖 .
@thefairytalecottagecobbitty .
Christielee xx
.
#mumthatsabadword .
.
.
.
#facepaintingfairy #thefairytalecottage #fairies #fairiesarereal #princess #princesses #facepainting #magical #magicalfairy #prettypink #pinkparty #5th #birthdaygirl #birthdaypartyideas #facepaint #birthday #partythemes #unitycircle1 #happy #mumblogger #mum #sydneymums #kidspartyideas #fairywings #prettymixedkids #southafrican #mixedrace
